Rating all Super Bowl 2024 commercials.

The Super Bowl is a major sporting event for the USA and a festival of cool commercials for the rest of the world. We watched them all and divided them into several groups. Let's ignore politics and other propaganda, cross out most trailers and local ads. The kickoff whistle, the game begins!

The best of the best

BMW

Christopher Walken exchanges playful banter with people talking like Christopher Walken. Guest starring in the commercial is Usher, who also performed at this year's Super Bowl halftime show.

Mountain Dew

Obri Plaza in various situations with a bottle of soda in hand. Plaza is really funny, there are references to the TV show 'Parks and Recreation'.

Squarespace

Aliens (the main theme of this year's advertising campaign) arrive on Earth, but they cannot attract people's attention until they realize they need to go online. The commercial is beautifully directed by Martin Scorsese (alongside the cinematographer of the film 'Barbie,' Rodrigo Prieto), although it's not entirely clear what is being advertised.

Lindt

A round chocolate candy flies around the world to the melody of Perry Como's 'Round and Round.' The candy strongly resembles a Snitch.

"A Quiet Place: Day One"

Lupita Nyong'o encounters an alien invasion in the prequel to John Krasinski's film "A Quiet Place." An obvious winner among movie trailers.

Google

A visually impaired man documents his life through clear photographs using the new Google Pixel feature. A touching story with a predictable but impactful resolution.

Dunkin'

Noisy Ben Affleck tries to impress the unflappable Jennifer Lopez. They are observed by embarrassed Matt Damon and enthusiastic Tom Brady. The commercial gains strength from its star-studded cast.

E*Trade

A pair of very realistic babies play pickleball with a couple of toxic adults who clearly need more coaching than they do. One of the few commercials with sarcastic undertones.

Poppi

Attractive young people in grainy retro-style split-screen video try to convince us of the benefits of carbonated beverages sold by this company. Soda for the eyes.

National Football League (NFL)

A boy dreams of playing American football. In his dreams, he runs through a crowded market in Ghana accompanied by NFL players, and suddenly finds himself on the field of the NFL International Training Program, where he meets former New York Giants player Osi Umenyiora.

BetMGM

Vince Vaughn explains that Tom Brady and only Tom Brady is not allowed to use sports betting services because he has already won too much. The joke lies in the fact that Tom is the Messi and Ronaldo of American football, and his list of victories and records is truly impressive.

Almost perfect

TurboTax

"Kincaid Branson, star of the series 'Abbott Elementary,' advises us to pay taxes (twice). But Branson is so darn charming that it seems like a good idea.

NYX Cosmetics

Cardi B talks about lip gloss. A comedic episode about men using Duck Plump "off-label" is available online, but it wasn't shown at the Super Bowl. Such timidity is disappointing, but Cardi B is always fun.

Apartments.com

Aliens arrive on Earth and, naturally, need an apartment. Naively, but any script only benefits from the presence of Jeff Goldblum.

Etsy

America realizes it needs to give France a gift in exchange for the Statue of Liberty, and uses Etsy to send a giant cheese board. Sounds cute, looks the same.

Kia

The father uses his Kia EV9 to light up the temporary ice rink so that the young figure skater can perform in front of her sick grandfather. A powerful tearjerker.

Coors

The Coors Light train rushes across the country to save football fans from an awkward encounter. Dynamic, action-packed, and featuring a fun five-second cameo by LL Cool J (American hip-hop artist, producer, and actor).

Volkswagen

The Volkswagen Beetle and its descendants as embodiments of the American dream. All set to Neil Diamond's song "I Am I Said," from 1949 to the present day.

Doritos

A pair of elderly ladies, Dina and Mita, activate avenger mode when a guy snatches the last bag of chips from under their noses. A comedic action flick with a brief appearance by Jenna Ortega.

Verizon

Beyoncé, with the help of Tony Hale, attempts to "break the internet" by portraying a saxophonist, cyborg, Barbie, astronaut, and presidential candidate. Perhaps, there's just a bit too much Beyoncé.

Microsoft

Каждый день люди размышляют об изменениях, которые привносит в их жизнь ИИ-ассистент. Ролик запоминающийся и немного пугающий. Возможно, так и было задумано.

STōK Cold Brew

Anthony Hopkins mocks his authority by selling cold coffee and endorsing the Rexham football club. Sir Anthony is in good form, but his appearance in the TurboTax commercial in 2016 was funnier.

Sweet and passable.

T-Mobile

Zach Braff and Donald Faison from "Scrubs" join Jason Momoa to perform a musical ode inspired by "Flashdance," extolling the virtues of Wi-Fi over cable internet. Wonderful, but does anyone else need this proven?

Pluto TV

On the farm, they grow potato people who are constantly irrigated with streams of their favorite shows.

‘IF’

Randall Park impersonates John Krasinski in a promo inspired by a similar joke from "The Office," for the movie "IF," about Krasinski's imaginary friend. Park amusingly argues with Ryan Reynolds, but yeah, the movie trailer is indeed drawn out.

State Farm

In the role of the hero in the film "Agent State Farm," Arnold Schwarzenegger showcases both his movie character and his real accent. Schwarzenegger is charming, but the joke falls flat.

Nerds

Candies joyfully dance before landing into influencer Addison Rae's mouth. Nothing special, but watching the pirouettes of a big gummy bear to the tune of "Flashdance" is truly mesmerizing.

Budweiser

Clydesdales (a horse breed) have come out of retirement to pull a beer wagon through the snow. Sneaky nostalgia, but who decided that "The Weight" was the suitable anthem for old-fashioned beer delivery?

Salomon

A sporty young woman runs through beautiful mountain landscapes. It's a pity that in reality, this clothing won't make us look as good.

Dove

Young athletes make mistakes in various sports, which turns out to be a statement about body positivity. Entertaining, but not entirely coherent.

See you in a year.

Booking.com

Former colleagues of Tina Fey from the TV show "30 Rock" play variations of "Tina" to demonstrate that on vacation, you can be whoever you want. Good performances couldn't save the somewhat dull script.

Starry

Rapper Ice Spice hangs out in the club with Starry soda from PepsiCo when she is found by her ex - just a regular soda. Incredibly cute script with a hint of horror.

CeraVe

The fictional stories by Michael Sera as an inspiration for the eponymous line of cosmetics continue in a series of dreamy, narcissistic commercials for the designer brand.

‘N.F.L. Sunday Ticket’

A reference to the wonderful Carroll Ballard's film "Fly Away Home." A lone pilot watches players in Eagles and Seahawks uniforms "migrating" after the football season. The commercial itself, however, didn't quite take off.

Michelob Ultra

Lionel Messi kicks a soccer ball along the beach while waiting for a beer. Jason Sudeikis and Dan Marino are among the spectators. Pretty simple, but not tasteless.

Bass Pro Shops

Photogenic smiling Americans float on fishing boats across scenic lakes. Straightforward, as if filmed for some local channel.

Pringles

Chris Pratt grows walrus mustaches and goes viral as the guy on the Pringles packaging. Cute, but does it really require Chris Pratt for this?

Hellmann’s

Kate McKinnon and a monosyllabic meowing cat prompt people to snatch mayonnaise off shelves with the concept of "what to make from food scraps." It would be better and $7 million cheaper to cut this "masterpiece" down to 30 seconds.

Uber Eats

Many celebrities forget things because remembering all that Uber Eats delivers requires a lot of brain space; for example, Jennifer Aniston forgets David Schwimmer. It comes off as quite cumbersome.

Snapchat

A messaging app tries to sell itself by refusing features typical of other social networks. Hey, what happened to your likes?

You could have spent that money better.

M&M’s

Dan Marino, Terrell Owens, and Bruce Smith receive rings for being close to winning the Super Bowl. Scarlett Johansson's cameo doesn't save the situation.

CrowdStrike

Part "Westworld," part "Star Wars": a cybersecurity expert in the digital town of the Old West fends off alien invaders with the help of his assistant. Looks duller than it sounds.

Pfizer

A pharmaceutical company references scientists with a long history, including Isaac Newton and Albert Einstein, to celebrate its 175th anniversary. Visually inventive, but no magic pill achieved.

Bud Light

The magic bottle grants wishes, including chatting with Peyton Manning and Post Malone. From low-calorie beer to pony rides - a world of lowered expectations.

e.l.f. Cosmetics

Rick Hoffman and Gina Torres from "Suits" and Judge Judy Sheindlin from "Judge Judy" find themselves in a courtroom parodying both series. Your honor! In what year was this fresh and relevant?

Miller Lite

Comedian Rob Riggle goes for a run with Miller Lite advertising painted right on his body. Let's call it "the path to nowhere."

Kawasaki

Everyone near Kawasaki Ridge grows long hair. Boring from start to finish.

Skechers

Mr. T scolds host Tony Romo for the lack of "t" in the word Skechers. "P" for precious time wasted.

Reese’s

A strange group of people gathered in the living room overreacts to the advertisement. It's supposed to be funny, but... it's just not. It's simply not.

So bad that it took a special effort to achieve.

Oreo

When it comes to making important decisions, flipping a coin is replaced with breaking an Oreo cookie in key decisions, from the Trojan War to the creation of the "Kardashian Family." But for what purpose?

Paramount+

Actors, athletes, cartoon characters, reality show stars, and the band Creed gather on a snowy mountain to make Patrick Stewart do something extremely strange.

BodyArmor

Fifteen seconds of slightly surreal, "neural network" sports action, followed by 15 seconds of "real" approved by BodyArmor. Strangely, the first part seems more interesting to watch.

Toyota

Toyota Tacomas race through the desert, while people in the passenger seat widen their eyes in fear and desperately cling to the handlebars. You definitely DON'T want to be in their place.

Drumstick

Following comedian Eric Andre, who falls ill on a plane, is a popsicle stick named Dr. Umstick. Judging by what's happening on screen, it seems there was no scriptwriter on board.